Chapter 3. Moron, you’re sick!
—Ahh, today’s another nice day. I’ve gotten used to living in the forest. Should I catch another rabbit and make it into a luxurious dinner? Actually, catching some fish wouldn’t be too bad either.
Today marks my fifth day living in this forest. It’s all thanks to the chibi teaching me various things that I’ve made it this far. That’s why, I’m gonna give it my best today, too.
“Mn? What are you chibi up to? Ooh, are you drawing a picture? Hmm, let’s see… a triangle and a square? Looks like a house.”
Rubbing their squishy, ‘puni puni,’ cheeks is so amazing, I can’t stand it.
“You chibi want a new house? In that case, teach me how and I’ll make one. Is here good, or do you wanna go someplace else? Or is here… that’s not it?”
The chibi shake their heads. Are you trying to say something else? They draw a lot of houses. A house, lots of houses.
“Ah,” I get it, a town. They’re telling me to go to a town. “Naw, this place is great. I’ll spend the rest of my life here.”
And Zero lived happily ever after with the chibi in the forest. The End.
I thought that was a pretty good ending, but doesn’t look like it flies with the chibi. Maybe they want me to see the rest of the world? They’re desperately trying to get me to go to town. Well, if that’s what they want.
“Yosh, I get it. I guess I’ll go to town.”
The chibi and I fix up our clothes and we make our leave of the forest. ‘Guso,’ It’s only been five days, but this place was practically heaven. My eyes are a bit watery.
The chibi lead the way as we advance through the forest. We’re moving pretty fast, looks like they’re choosing the easiest path possible. These guys are just amazing.
I leap with joy as I say, “Stuff like this ain’t too bad. It somewhat looks like we’re on a picnic!”
That’s right. Thinking about it, these guys probably live in town too. This is great! I’ll go and meet heaps of chibi!
I let my imagination run wild with those thoughts.
We emerge from the forest after a bit only to find the view encompassed by more forest. “What’s this, a stone road? Am I getting closer to town?” I guess they want me to walk on this. Traveling on a highway is easier than through a forest.
Walking through the forest wasn’t that bad though. Anyway, a stone road? This firm feeling reminds me of asphalt. I turn around and look back at the forest. Well, I’m off to meet new chibi.
The chibi do something strange as we walk forward. They make a wall around me. Is there something up ahead? Is it something strange? Dang, is that… a person?
Red hair sways back and forth as a girl runs with desperation all over her face. Oi, are you coming towards me? No doubt about it, she’s coming this way.
“Che,” You trying to get friendly here? I’ll show you everything these guys taught me these past five days!
The red head is in front of me in the blink of an eye. Has red eyes. The hair is semi-long? A bit short too. Uush, I should properly greet her with a smile.
I say, “Ou! Hold up for a bit there! What are you doing in a place like this?”
“Please, run away… Hiiiiiiii! I’m sorry, I’m sorry! I’m no one special. Please, overlook me!”
Ahre? Why’s this person so scared? I was just trying to be friendly…
I say, “Che, hold up, I don’t wanna hurt you. Relax, I just want to talk.”
“I’m sorry, excuse me, if it’s money, I’ll give you all I have!”
I give up, this isn’t going anywhere. Mn? The heck is that? Two, strange, green things are coming this way.
I say, “Oi, what are those?”
“I’m sorry, I’m sor…ry. They caught up! Please, let me go! They’re after me!”
“What? So they’re the bad guys?”
“How are you so calm!? We have to hurry and escape!”
No, I don’t need to run. Besides, I don’t wanna hear that from someone who can’t even look at me. Ah, I’m getting sad. This is how it was back then. I shouldn’t have left the forest after all.
“What are you doing! We have to run! Ah, stop… you’re already in front of me.”
Oh, ooh? You’re just making a fuss of things. But, what are these green things? A stone ax? The one holding it looks like it’s grinning, ‘niya niya.’ Yosh, be friendly, be friendly.
I say, “Ou! What do you guys want? That girl’s losing it, do you mind waiting a bit?”
“Gurururururu.”
Those guys, they didn’t even look at me. Hey! Didn’t anyone teach you to look at those talking to you?
“Please run away. I’ll stop them!”
Oi oi, what are you doing in front of me with such a feeble voice? I know how to talk with people. The chibi taught me after all. I’ve been growing as a human each day.
Is that a wooden stick? A staff? Can you even beat those guys with such a wimpy weapon? They have an ax.
I say, “Well, let’s calm down and talk this through.”
“They’re monsters! What do you mean calm down and talk? Please run away!”
Monsters? What are monsters? Is this a game or something? It sure feels like one.
“Gugaaaaaaaaaa!” The green guy swings its ax at me…
“Ahh?”
Stop. It stops the moment our eyes lock. Like I thought, it was able to pick up on my sincerity.
…That’s not it. They’re acting just like those gangs who’d come looking for a fight. In other words, they’re selling a fight. A fight? You wanna fight me? No doubt about it, not with those defiant eyes!!
“Bring it on, you bastards!!”
I throw all of my weight forward and kick. Ooh, it’s flying off just like a ball.
The other one says, “Gi!?”
“Kora[1], don’t look away!!” We’re in the middle of a fight! Don’t start worrying about the other guy! See why for yourself!
I grab the green guy’s ax with my left hand, and, not… Horaa[2], straight right!!
“Oraaaaaaaaaa!”
“Gugiiiiiiii!?”
Uush, they both crash onto the ground and twitch, ‘piku piku.’
The red head makes a baka-n face as she says, “Eh? Eh??”
Don’t look at me like that. I’m pretty experienced with fighting.
“Well then.” I approach the two green bodies.
“Ge- Getting closer is dangerous! They still might be able to move. Right now’s the best time to escape!”
From here, this is Toshiro[3]…
I ignore the red head’s warning and get closer to the two green guys where I then… kick! Kick! Kick! Kick! Kick!
I switch between the two while saying, “Ora ora ora ora ora ora!! Don’t you pretend to sleep!! Hey, oraa!!”
“Gafuu, Gefuu.”
The red head shrieks, “Hiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii!!” But I don’t care. This is how I fight.
“I’m sending you to heeeeeeeell!”
The red head says, “Wait, wait, wait, please! Please, you’ve done enough!! Wait, please!! They’re foaming bubbles!? Enough already! I’m really sorry! Ah, this is already impossible.”
Che, fine. I’m reluctant, but I stop kicking them and apologize to the red head. Well, they won’t be standing up any time soon. Not with this much damage.
I look back and see that the red head fainted. Che, I’m used to this sort of thing, but it’s still ticks me off. That reminds me, are the chibi alright?
I look around and find the chibi having fun by jumping up and down on the bubbles foaming from the mouths of the green things. Ha haa, I don’t get them at all, but they really are the greatest.
I’m reluctant, but I pick up the red head and leave that place with the chibi.
“Ooh,” the stone ax looks useful, so I’m taking it too.
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